“A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires.” --Paulo Coelho
What is the most troubling social concern of our time? To my mind, it's the fact that we do not have
joyful grownups running most of our organizations, our institutions, our
world.
In fact, we believe that, in order to grow up, we need to
learn how to postpone joy.
We teach our children that, in order to be successful in
school, they need to do what they do not want to do first, and then get around
to playing later (if at all). Why do we
adults believe this? It is because we
have been taught: that is what adults do.
We think that we need to prepare for work (schooling), then work, and
put off having a good time (i.e., doing what we’d really like to do) until retirement. As a result, at the heart of most of our outdated
(read: 20th century) institutions lies a bunch of miserable adults, suffering
dutifully, because they believe that is “just the way the world works”. The kicker is, of course, that adults made up
the rules about how the world works to begin with, and even if we suffer from
them, we as social creatures stick to them. As such, my primary concern has always been
with the “walking well” among us—the ones designated as functioning adults in
society—because many of us are disconnected from our own joy.
·
In the healthcare field, I have watched nurses
habitually eat several donuts or smoke in between caring for patients. How can healthcare professionals care for
others, if they do not take good care of themselves?
·
In the education field, I have seen teachers
yell at even young students when they do things the deemed ‘wrong’ way. How can teachers educate youngsters to think
for themselves, when they underscore from a young age the importance of doing
things the ‘right’ way all the time (and never making mistakes)?
·
In the nonprofit field, I have seen well-intentioned
social service organizations interrupt their own caring strategic plans with
their own ego-driven agendas. How can
nonprofits care for others in need if they are run by fearful adults?
Why would adults disregard self-care, focus on never making
mistakes, or push their ego-drive agendas?
Why else, besides their being unhappy/postponing their own joy?
How to provide world-class
healthcare?
Joyful Grownups.
How to revolutionize
education?
Joyful Grownups.
How to offer outstanding
social services?
Joyful Grownups.
While these are the three fields wherein I have the most first-hand
experience, it seems that unhappy adults run the show in government, law, old business
models, and even some international organizations at this point in time. However, there are many glimmers of hope: TED talk speakers,
entrepreneurs, designers, Buddhist monks and nuns, and other bold souls are
declaring that joy is a choice that we as mature adults can make. We can maximize
joy in our present lives and be
functioning adults in the world.
Who are Joyful Grownups? They are adults who:
·
Have a great sense of
humor.
·
Feel seen, heard, and
included.
·
Are healthy and who engage
in excellent self-care.
·
Cultivate self-awareness
and see their role in the whole.
·
Make a positive, creative,
generative contribution to society.
·
Are inquisitive people,
curious about the world around them.
·
Play often and with gusto,
just because it feels good.
·
Are humble and appreciate
others deeply.
·
Love themselves, others,
and the world.
·
Are filled with gratitude
to be alive.
Interestingly, most of our notions about “adult
play” or “adult humor” refer to drinking, sex, and related activities. The way I see it, these are holdovers from
our Protestant work ethic: We as American adults work hard, so we’re going to
play hard, too. This can lead to a sense
that the only forms of “playing hard” that are appropriate for adults are
getting drunk, having sex, and the like.
I would like for us to examine this assumption.
Joyful grownups are free to pursue their heart’s
calling, and they are valued for doing so.
When they experience joy in the moment, other adults cheer. Not that joy is without sadness. In fact, experiencing joy requires that we
experience pain, too. Joy tastes salty, because it is mixed
with sadness. However,
if we as mature adults can be brave enough to allow ourselves to experience
both sadness and joy, our institutions can shift radically. As I continue this blog, my focus will be on
what constitutes joyful adulthood, and how its practice can fundamentally shift
the way organizations are run in the U.S.
